When a woman becomes pregnant she has many options to chose from and consider. Creating an adoption plan is one of the best options she has as an alternative to abortion and parenting. Sadly, women (and men) are not educated on their rights and privileges within the legal adoption process which has caused many misconceptions and "un-truths."
When women hear the word “adoption” a strange set of emotions sweeps over them. Adoption seems inhumane and tragic. Because of decades of fictional movies, there is a misconception that adoption is cruel, equivalent to abandonment, part of the foster care program, and shameful. These are myths, and today we want to explain some common adoption terms and help you have a better understanding of the adoption process from the perspective of a birth mom.
What Is An Adoption Plan?
“The adoption plan” is the process of personally choosing parents for the baby. Much like a shopping catalog, the mother can flip through the many profiles of couples registered with her adoption agency. Yes, you get to choose! A mother reserves the empowering right to choose whomever she wants to parent her baby.
She can choose or reject couples based on their appearance, where they live, their religion, if they have children already, or if they have pets. Adoption is customizable and humane! It’s not foster care and your baby will not be jumping from home to home. A mother following her adoption plan will have met with the prospective parents and have the legal process already started before she gives birth.
Once you have signed the legal papers, the baby is permanently placed in a loving home of your choice.
Side note: an adoption agency will run extensive and comprehensive background checks on couples before they are allowed to adopt. You can rest assured your baby is going to a good home.
Does A Birth Mother Have Any Control In The Legal Process?
Yes! If a mother changes her mind after birth, she has the full legal right to keep her baby. No one can take them away from you. You are free to hold your baby after birth, or hand them over to the adoptive couple immediately after birth. You can choose to have the parents fully immersive in the pregnancy, or not. Everything is your choice. The law fully protects and supports YOU.
Thanks to modern-day freedom fighters, adoption is no longer a heartless anti-woman process. Decades ago a mother was not allowed to hold the baby after birth, but he was carted away to a separate room. But now, in 2020 our court system fully supports the mother’s rights and wishes until the legal process is finished. Your adoption agency can put you in touch with an attorney who can answer all your legal questions.
What Is the Difference Between “Open And Closed” Adoption?
Open adoption is when a mother wishes to be in contact with her child. This is a legal term and part of your adoption plan. She can send birthday and holiday presents, make phone calls, and even visit her child. While she has no legal rights and should be considerate to allow the adoptive parents to parent according to their lifestyle, she legally will be able to have a life long relationship with her child. Blended families are becoming increasingly popular within adoption and it’s considered acceptable, normal, and welcome by adoptive couples!
A closed adoption is where a mother chooses to have no contact with her child and gives full privacy to the adoptive parents. Some mothers leave their names, information, a letter to their child, or a brief family medical history behind, others do not. This is the right of the mother and fully acceptable.
Closed adoption sounds harsh to many women at first glance, but consider: it is more humane to give your baby a chance at life than it is to completely take away any chance of life. Abortion is more inhumane than closed adoption because it erases any chance your baby could have had to live out their dreams, gifts, and abilities.
How Expensive Is An Adoption Plan?
It’s free! The majority of birth mothers find that the hospital bills and legal fees are entirely covered by the adoptive parents. If you happen to have extra needs or unusual expenses involved, ask your counselor, adoption agency, social worker, local pregnancy resource center, and hospital for assistance. There are many non-profit organizations and churches that cover fees and emergencies for mothers and babies. But this is rare and almost always your expenses are covered entirely.
How Do I Start An Adoption Plan?
You start by reaching out to an adoption agency. We recommend Bethany Adoption. We also suggest reaching out to your local pregnancy resource center to see how they can support you!
A Few Closing Thoughts
Often, we only focus on the urgency of the moment and forget about the feelings we will have in the future. One day you will be in a different season of life. One day you will be older. One day you might be graduated with a good job and more stable to have a relationship. We never stay in the same season of life forever and our feelings can and do change. Abortion closes the chances of the future, but adoption gives you a second chance.
Also, women facing abortion should consider that abortion is not natural. Reproduction and birth is our natural biological function and it can’t cause the same adverse side effects that abortion can. Abortion has been linked with certain cancers, depression, PTSD, sleep problems and nightmares, infections, and infertility. Giving natural birth and placing your baby for adoption might the safest and healthiest option for your body as the mother, particularly if you already suffer from other medical problems like depression and anxiety. Be sure to talk to your doctor and pregnancy center about the side effects of abortion.
Pregnancy only lasts nine months out of a women's lifespan and is not permanent. Abortion, however, is irreversible and once completed, is final. If a woman is in a situation where parenting is 100% out of the question, adoption gives her more flexibility and many more options.
Always remember, that you are fully supported by the law, your local pregnancy center, state programs, and adoption agency as you embark on this process. You are not expected to do anything alone or against your will!